The C word

Once you have decided what you want from a relationship the next step is to do something about it…. But what?

If you are not in a relationship and would like to be you have to confront the first of the big C words. Change. There is another C word that comes later on but we do not need to worry about that now. If you want to find a relationship you have to change something. If you continue with your day to day life exactly as you have for the last x years during which time you did not find someone, chances are you will still not find someone if you simply carry on as before.

Finding your perfect partner is a little bit like the Lottery. If you don’t own a ticket you haven’t got a chance of winning. If you buy a ticket at least you are in the game. So how do you get into the relationship “game”?

Consider changing your daily routine. If you take the bus instead of the usual train home you will meet a different set of people. Instead of watching an old movie on the TV try going to one in a cinema. It is up to you if you decide to engage with the new people you encounter. If you have a hobby that you are enthusiastic about, join a club and share that enthusiasm.

You might consider joining one of the numerous internet dating agencies. These definitely work for some people. But it’s a bit like buying a huge number of tickets for the Lottery; you will have to spend an awful lot of time checking your tickets to see if you have won. I have friends who have met this way, but I’ve also heard from many people that they could not get along with internet dating sites. My personal view is that relationships are personal things and the internet, for all its benefits, is not a personal medium. If you want to buy something or find some information the internet is the place to look. Perhaps that why it was known as the information superhighway? For personal relationships I’m not so sure.

There are also the dating sections of newspapers. Much like the internet, they do work for some people. You will need to give a lot of thought to the advertisement you place: it needs to stand out from the crowd but not make you sound too off the wall. You also need to understand the costs: you will have to pick up your replies by calling a premium rate phone line and the costs can mount up very quickly.

An alternative would be to join an introduction agency, but please do your research, there are some rogues out there. It’s a good idea to make sure any agency you approach is a member of ABIA (Association of British Introduction Agencies), have a look at their website http://www.abia.org.uk/ or give them a ring on 020 8742 0386. They have a listing of members along with the services offered and the costs. Make sure you choose one that is right for you. Obviously there is no point in joining an agency that specialises in an area that is of little interest to you. Another thing to remember is that “traditional” agencies work in a very different way to the internet based ones. From the internet you are likely to receive hundreds of (un-vetted) contacts and it is up to you to go through them. A traditional agency on the other hand will take into consideration all the information you have supplied to them and select someone from their membership who they think you would really like to meet. This is why it is so important for you to know what you want before you start. It is a slower and more focused approach.

I am of course biased, as I run Classical Partners, a traditional agency, but I have tried to offer honest view of the different options you have based on my experience of speaking to and meeting many unattached men and women looking for love. Not surprisingly, there is no single right way to go about finding a relationship. The solution very much depends on you. This is the main thing you have to understand, whichever way you choose to go about it the outcome depends on your actions. So confront the C word: be positive, enjoy yourself and you will make progress. Good luck.